Agree?

    Today is Monday, April 30th of the years 2007. I am 16 years old and I'm hating everything. My life is perfect. I have every fucking reason in the damn world to be happy and I'm here wishing to cut just a little deeper. Wishing to stay under water just a little longer, To piss of a nigger just a bit more, take a couple more pills, to drink faster. Almost anything that will end my life. I want this more then anything in the world right now. But why is it that I can't take that last step. I think maybe it's because of the promise I made to Zack a while ago telling him that I wouldn't take my life.  I don't know. There are a millions reasons to and one reason not to. Zack is my entire life. I've put all y trust and my future on his shoulders but I am such a weak person that i can not do it alone. I've never been able to. Why should I put him through that? Why should I stay and tormnt his life. I should just go, disappear and let him realize what his life could really be all about. He could make it big without me holding him back. He could have fun in the single life like he wants some of the time. His life wold be perfect without me.
     My grandmother use to tell me that suicide was the most selfish act you could pull. I think about it and I really don't want to leave with everyone thinking of how selfish I was. And what a bitch I was. I really don't udersand myself most of the time. I don't know who I am, or what I was, am, can or will become. The thing I hate most is no knowing that not knowing my future is the worst thing anyone could possibly do to me. I've lived with not knowing for sixteen years. You would think I would be use to it by now. But no.. I'll never become used to it. I won't ever grow to enjoy the surprise. For people who hae surprises life sucks. Does anyone agree?

Link to This | Back to top

Created with ShoutPost